Thursday, December 30, 2004

Weight Watchers?

I was surfing around and found this interesting tidbit about weighing in at Weight Watchers meetings.

"Advice for Weighing In at a Weight Watchers Meeting" By Thomas J. Hagens

"Advice for meeting weigh in’s: Before going to a meeting, do the following to remove some weight. Brush the plaque from your teeth, floss and gargle. Shave all hair off your body. Take a shower and wash any heavy crud off your body. DO NOT put on makeup, perfume, hair accessories (bobbi pins, hair clips, scrunchies, etc.), jewelry (including piercings), or deodorant. These items will add weight.
Make sure you wear the lightest possible clothes you can legally wear in public in your area. (Check for dress code in your area). Make sure you have the thinnest socks and underwear possible. For guys this is easy since as long as the elastic band is in tact, its underwear.
When you get to the meeting, go to the bathroom. A bonus is to take a dump because turds weigh a lot. When it is your turn at scale, remove any clothing you can get away with removing. Remove any jewelry you may have forgot, dentures, toupee, artificial limbs (including glass eye), and any piercings you forgot. Note take off any piercings in bathroom you shouldn’t take off in public.
Finally, when you step on the scale, to remove any final excess weight, fart, burp, blow your nose and exhale. Also stand on toes on scale because this has been proven to make you think it will actually make you lighter. Have a happy weigh in. "

Hope that made you laugh. I thought it was hilarious! Partly because of the strange things people do practice in order to swing the scale.

I downloaded a Weight Watchers java calculator today.

I'm wary about joining the program because I don't really have the money for it. But it seems like I never have any money to spend on myself... I guess that deep down I am afraid it won't really work. That's not really an option anymore, though. I must lose weight. I've been promising myself for years that I would lose it - it's time to fulfill that promise before I'm old and wrinkled!

It sounds cliche (VERY cliche), but I want this New Year to be the starting point of a new journey to take care of myself, to change my life, and to start a new course for the future. It seems like everyone around me knows what they want to do with their lives - I'm on the brink of the rest of my life and I don't want to be left behind. This is it. Oh God, help me.


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